so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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