HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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