I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
