Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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