k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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