1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
