I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
