He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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