it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
