Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
