I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
