those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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