would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
