Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
