The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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