Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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