i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's blow job season.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
