It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
