I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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