I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my shit smells like andre
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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