i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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