8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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