I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
