My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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