Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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