we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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