Duck Duck Cougar?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
