More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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