Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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