That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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