Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
