I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
