Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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