my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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