so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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