Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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