I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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