so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
