will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
