thus making me awesome and them whores
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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