i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
