Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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