How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
