found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
