Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
