I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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