put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
