from now on my penis is your penis
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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