My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
