she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
