3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My dick has a subreddit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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