I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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