dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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