like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
