Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
