Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize