Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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