Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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