she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
