your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
