this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
