Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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