i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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