Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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