Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
