They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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