There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
