both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
