addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
