FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
