I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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