I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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