This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
