I have demons in me.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
