why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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