new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
