will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
