hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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