Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just pynch a tree in the face
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
